what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
