Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
