can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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