Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
