i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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