Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
