guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I look better un-naked...
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
