Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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