she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
