I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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