Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize