Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
