I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
