12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize