Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
