Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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