im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
