either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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