cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Randomize
