Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize