I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
