Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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