Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
My vagina is officially offended.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Randomize
