wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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