Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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