do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize