I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Randomize
