So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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