pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
