Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
