k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
