if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
