I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
