I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
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