eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
