She announced her abortion via fbk
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
