Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
you mean i was at the winter classic?
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Randomize
