I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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