I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
