Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
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