so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize