now i know why i became what i already was.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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