I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
