She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
