all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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