you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Randomize
