I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize