I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
