I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
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