I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
