stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
