the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
