You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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