is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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