I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
