Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
