How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
