I wish my penis had an off switch
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
