and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
