So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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