I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Randomize
