so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize