I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
