At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
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