The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
