You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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