normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
you had me at cake vodka
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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