So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
