somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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