I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
