Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize