in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
