I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
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