After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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