He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
