is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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