i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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