she is the kim kardashian of front butts
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
