I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
