so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
