I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
