new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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