One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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