Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
