someone threw a dead crab at me
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Randomize
