I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
