dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
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