So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I have aggressive nipples.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
