I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Alive.
So much puke
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
