Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
