He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
