I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
