i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
