worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize