One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
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