I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
